Hey mama, this that shit that make you move…

Street dance tonight at the Waterfron, I’m there. So many people I know are going to be at the street dance, I’m excited to have so many of my friends in one place at one time. Anyways…

So, my life is changing just a bit. I’ve been hanging out with this girl for about two weeks now. We go out and shop, dance, go out to eat, whatever. I have such a great time with her and she’s her own person. She really knows who she is and what she wants out of her life. Things have been getting a bit more serious, but we’re on the same page about the whole thing. I’ve got my boyfriend eyes on, which means that I still look at girls, but it’s not the same as it was a week ago. We’re just letting things progress naturally, no “full speed ahead”. I’ve finally come to the point in my life now where I’m not all about throwing myself into things. I’m being more careful than I’ve always bee, but not so much that I miss out on anything. I mean, I’ve tended to get wrapped up in things so tight that if they fall apart I’m left stunned on the ground wondering how it all happened. I don’t know, things are just diferrent with me now. I’m really a diferrent person inside and outside. My confidence is solid as a rock and I can feel it 24/7. I love myself. I love my life. My depression is so far out of sight that I don’t have to look at it in disgust anymore. I can still remember what it felt like, but not enough to bring myself down to that level. I’ve got so much good music in my life now and dancing is just making me feel so good. I’m actually glad that there are only a few places to go dancing and are only open a few times a week. I wouldn’t get any sleep otherwise. By the way, I’m on my new suppliments and things are going great. I start my 6 week program (3 weeks of strength and 3 weeks of power lifting) this week. I’ve already done my Hypertrophy so there’s no need to work on that till this 6 weeks are over. I’m still only going to the gym 3 days a week, but I’m ramping some stuff up to get the results that I want. I’ve found a comfortable level for my supps since the recommended level was a bit much for me with my hypermetabolism. No need to worry, I’m taking care of myself and makins sure that nothing gets blown out or injurs me. I decided to change the suppliments that I was originally thinking about taking because they can be toxic if taken the wrong way. I’m not ready to be super strict at this point, I mean I’m not going to competitions nor do I plan on it ever. I just want to get my body in the shape that I have the potential to be. I’m already bigger than I was a week ago and that makes me happy. There is a limit and I’m going to be monitoring myself and my progress to make sure that I don’t go beyond it. I’m not into becoming a monster, though I am gaining size a a freakish level. I have the plan, I’m sticking to it and I’m ready for the next level. Once my 6 weeks is over I go back to my regular routine (Hypertrophy) and just maintain. If I get strength increases after that it’ll be a side effect. I can’t wait to get new pictures of myself up online. I was actually thinking about getting some recent stuff taken just as a midpoint and a compairison to the body I had last August which was pretty much how I had been all summer. I’m just so proud of myself and the things that I’m accomplishing. Life is, that’s all. This is mine. Well, I’m all out for now and I need to head to my house and get some shit done. Keep those smiles going and worry not about me, I’m taking care of me. Take care of yourself and behold the effect you can have. I love you all and miss you.

Throw it all away…

Well, so they fucked up my DSL. So what. Fuck it, I’m ready to post. So, I’ve been celebrating my birthday all week long. I can’t catch up with everyone at once so it just ends up being easier this way. There are a lot of people that I’m still missing, but I’ll run into everyone soon enough. My phone is all hooked up and ready to rock. I haven’t been home much to answer it but oh well. Things have been good around here. I’ve been hanging out with friends and went dancing last night. What a blast and how fucking bad do the guys around here dance. LOL Anyways. I’ve been stressing a little with the new place. There is just so much I have to get done and trying to figure it all out at once was just too much. So I just chilled out and got my head straight. I’m really in love with my new place, mostly because it is mine, but also because I just love the way it’s laid out. I’ve had a few folks over to check it out and they love it as much as I do, which is a plus. I don’t know. Life is treating me as good as it can right now and that’s all I need. I don’t need things to be super great to be happy anymore. My depression is miles behind me now and I’m not looking back. It’s so good to be where I am right now. I’m 28 and feeling 22. No doubt about that. My energy is boosted everyday and even all this rain hasn’t been stopping the smile on my face. Work is still going great and I love all the guys I work with. I’m still hanging out with a few ladies who aren’t looking for anything more than what I’m giving them, no I’m not sleeping with any of them. I’m just having fun and enjoying the company I’ve got. No strings. No drama. Just fun. I’m where I’ve always wanted to be as far as lifestyle. I’ve figured out what I want out of this life and I don’t mind if I have to work a little to get it. Yeah, I could die tomorrow, but I’ve been living my life and no one else’s and that is what counts to me. I haven’t had any real reason to get angry lately and I think it’s just how I’m living. My workouts are going to be getting intense starting next week, but I’m ready. I got my week off and rested up, but I’m ready for the real deal now. I won’t go into the technical details, but I will tell you that I’m going to be much bigger in three weeks and it’s going to be so worth it. The body I want is finally within my reach. I am taking supplements but none of the usual stuff and no steroids. I’ve found the stuff I need to take to get what I want and not have to take it for more than a month. I won’t lose any of the gains when I stop, nor will I have all this useless water mass that is associated with products like Creatine. Ask me and I’ll explain sometime, but I know this is putting some of you to sleep so I’ll leave it at that. Well, Chris and I are going to take a stroll and enjoy this beautiful night. He’s going on a walking program for cardio and I’m supporting the hell out of the whole thing. Alright, have a good one and I’ll post again when I can. Won’t be till Sunday at the least, if even then. Keep those smiles on or find something that makes you smile and do it. No fucking around.

Fuck Verizon…

They fucked up my DSL order so I won’t have it till next Friday. I’ll catch yall when I can. Peace.

We will return after these messages

I’ll start posting again when my DSL shows up near the ned of the week.

That’s alright, let’s give this another try…

Well, I got 90% of my stuff moved in. I’m pretty stolked, but I’m going to be spending most of my day off getting it all put away and sorted out, but it will be worth it. Got another vehicle back seat for furniture for the place, you’ll have to see it. Then I ended up just hanging out with some new friends for the rest of the night. I’m at Chris’ house right now checking my shit and burning a CD. What a great weekend. I got to hang out with most everyone I wanted to see. I even got to hang with my buddy John Koch, who I havn’t seen since like January, and see his new house. I’m not even really tired, but I have to be at the office early to do paperwork in the morning then I’m cleaning and arranging for the rest of the day. I don’t know, life is just going very good right now. I know things will get even better in the days coming. Goodnight.

Breaking Benjamin “So Cold”

Crowded streets all cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes seperate
As they run

You’re so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Starved men die

[Chorus]

Show me how we end this alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfy an empty inside
That’s alright, let’s give this another try

If you find your family, don’t you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You’re so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hands on me one last time

[Chorus x2]

It’s alright [x9]

The person you were kissing wasn’t me, I will never ask you…

So, Friday I had a date. I had a blast with the lady I went with. We were up till like 4:30 talking, but I had to work so we called it a night. Last night I rounded up a bunch of my friends to go out and celebrate my birthday. We got our drink on early then hit the Scaritage. Good to see you by the way, Firecracker. Then headed off with the survivors for Barnabes and got my groove on with a few ladies I know. After that I caught a ride with a friend of mine to my car to get my housekeys and then got dropped at my house. Hooked back up with the group I arrived at Scaritage with and hung out with them till about 2:30 then passed out cold. Now I’m just waiting for Chris to get his shit together so that we can move some stuff today. I was up early cleaning and getting things ready. I’m so ready to get shit done, but I have to wait to catch up with a few people so that I can. Well, I’m off for a while. Catch up with you all later.

And I wanted you to be there…

Well, I’m going to be going silent for a bit while I get settled in my new place. The computer is going to be staying at Chris’ house till my Broadband Connection (High-speed internet service) is in effect sometime next week. So, I hope everyone has something fun planned this weekend. I’ve got tons of stuff going on so I’ll be tied till Sunday night or maybe Monday. Miss you.

If you’re playin’ me, keep it on the low…

Let me just be super fucking honest right now. I’m interested in not one but a few girls. I’ve been trying to play it cool, but I’m just going to open it up on here and be the me that I am when I’m by myself. I don’t want to come off as a player, because that’s the last person I could be. I care about all the girls that I’m into right now, no doubt about it. I am a nice guy, I just can’t commit to any one girl right now and I’ll tell you why. I want to make sure that I really know the girl that I end up staying with. I want to know that she feels the same way about me. I don’t want any of the “are we on the same page?” bullshit going down. Reason being that I’m not usually on the same page as the girls I’ve dated. See, girls want to date the legend, that’s who they want to be with. I am the man and the myth so you have to accept both to be with me. I was told I am a slut again tonight and I just can’t figure out where that comes from. I’ve always been dedicated to the ladies I’ve dated and never gave them any bullshit or ran around on them. So where does being a slut come in? Hell, I’ve never even slept around, believe it. I am a nice guy who wants to find a nice girl. I’m also a crazy guy that wants to find a girl as crazy or one that can really and I mean really handle me. For now, I want to date and just be free. I don’t want to call or be called every day of the week. I just have too much going on to promise anyone that I could stick to that. I may call late, I may call early, I may not get a chance to call at all and that’s just the way it is. Some girl gave me her number and I’m going to toss it as soon as I get done with this post. She wants the legend and I’m not going to give her that. She has a crush on him, not me. I couldn’t even get it up for a girl like that. She tried to buy me a drink, which is normally cool, but in this case she just wanted to be able to say that she fucked me. No go. I want to go out with a girl for the night and have that be it. Sure, we can hang next week or whenever, but I’m not going to call every day and send flowers and write love letters. See, I’m not sure I’ve ever had love. I’ve had some heavy crushes that rocked my world, but they didn’t work out and that’s a pretty good sign that the love was one way. This is my life. This is who I want to be and who I am. I am a nice guy that wants to take a girl out, no strings attached, and just have a fucking blast with her for the night. Maybe head to Bar Harbor or some shit this summer and just hike around and do shit, but not marry. Marriage is so far off for me that it’s not even funny. People can say “oh but you don’t really know that”, fuck you. I’ve been married and it’s not all the shit they show you on TV or in the movies. It hurts, it’s confining and it’s not ribbons and lace. I’m not saying that I want to sleep around or have all these girls that think I’m exclusively theirs. I want a girl to know that we can go out and have a good time and if she wants to come home with me or take me home, that’s cool too. Shit, if we get home and you just want to talk all night, I’m down. Blue Balls is a myth, I’ll be the first to let a lady know. I can handle my shit when it needs to get did, I don’t need someone to do it for me. I want to have sex because it feels good and I’m into the lady I’m with as much as she’s into me. Even if it’s just for the night. But hey, it hasn’t happened yet. Does that make me a slut? Does that make me a player? Don’t you just want to have a great time out dancing or whatever and then just let it flow from there? No strings. No jealous boyfriend when you go out with the girls on the town. No curfew. That’s what I want, except I’d be out with the guys. How tough is that? How much is that to ask? Guess I’m more open than I used to be. Now you have to ask yourself “Am I as open as Andy about all this?”. That is the question. Can you handle me? Can you handle who I am? Can you just let me go after one night? Can you handle spending one day a week with me? I know I just flipped some switches off. That’s real. This is real. You are getting exactly what is going on in my head just like you always do on here. Just by visiting this site and really reading all I have to say you are getting the real me. The me I am behind closed doors. Not the public me, though that is part of who I am behind closed doors too. Am I really putting myself on the line here? I don’t think so. I’m just shutting down what needs to be shut down. I won’t mislead you. I won’t tell you what you want to hear. I won’t get you involved in drama. The Divorce Generation has grown up. We don’t even bat an eyelid at the concept anymore. Why lie, it just wastes time and misleads people. Do you really want: “who was that on the phone?”, “Who’s going?”, “Call me if you’re going to be late.”, “What do you mean you danced with another guy?”, “We haven’t been spending enough time together lately.”, “We need to talk.”, “We never talk anymore.”, you get the picture. If you just want to be friends, fine. If you want to hang out, cool. Karaoke, absolutely. Involve yourself with drama, walk the other way. Need a date for a wedding, I clean up nice. So I propose to the ladies out there, can you handle me? Can you handle true freedom? If so, we’ll talk. If not, you’re looking in the wrong place. Goodnight and maybe Goodbye.

I drink, me too…

So, I decided to expand my musical horizons. I’m really into a lot of the hip-hop I hear when I’m out dancing or just cruzin’ listening to the radio. So a few of my buddies on the up and up have been filling me in on some of the great music that is out there. Check Cam’ron “Hey Ma” if you haven’t yet, it’s awesome. I’m listening to it right now. It’s soo chill. Man, I go through phases with music. Techno will always be a staple in my life no matter what anyone says. Picture me like 45, gray and shit, bumping to new Hard House and loving it. LOL. Fuck it. Well, I need to clean up and get hot. Talk to ya’ll later.