No I didn’t retire…

Well, here I am home again on a Tuesday morning. I stopped by my first client’s house today to pick him up and he does not want to work with me anymore. There is a meeting this afternoon to determine what the outcome will be. I’m not worried about losing my job, I’m just wondering what will become of him. It hurts my feelings to think that one of my guys doesn’t want to work with me. I have so much fun with everyone that I work with and I’m sad that I won’t be working with him anymore. I’m sitting here waiting for my supervisor to give me a call and it’s driving me nuts. Guess that’s all I have to say for now.

Britney Spears “Everytime”

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it’s haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It’s the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you’re haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you’re haunting me
I guess I need you baby

——————————————–

I may take shit for posting these lyrics but I could give a fuck at this point. Know that these lyrics, no matter who they are by, are so close to my life at the moment. Don’t dismiss pop lyrics as being empty and shallow, sometimes that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Fuck the hype, talent exists with or without it. That’s all I really have to say tonight. Goodnight.

Somebody told me that you have a boyfriend who looks like my girlfriend that I dated in February of last year…

I hate these gloomy gray days. I’m feeling kind of bummed out today because it looks like my work is going to be forcing me to work tomorrow afternoon while my daughter’s birthday party is going on. There’s still a chance that I may have a fill-in to work for me, but as of this time I’m going to be working. Seems like fate keeps me out of her life sometimes. I can’t understand why, but life wasn’t designed for me to always be able to understand. I do the best I can when I can and I even talked with her for a bit on the phone today. It’s pretty rare that I get even that kind of contact, so I was a little thrown off when she answered. Hopefully I didn’t upset her or make her too nervous. She sounds so much older than the last time I spoke with her (around Christmas). I don’t know. I’m really looking forward to when she gets a little older and starts to really want to see me. Maybe she won’t, but I doubt things will be like that. I’m just getting fed up with the way that some parts of my life run sometimes. I am again mustering the extreme strength that it takes to overcome some of the obstacles that I face in my life. Just like the saying goes “When I go, I go hard”. That’s just the thing, I have to focus on one thing at a time to really get anything done. There are parts of my life that I am still shaping at this time, but not everything can be changed by my hand alone. I do what I can on my end and, just like everyone else, wait to see what the other person’s choices will be. The point is that I greet every situation as myself, I never do what someone wants me to do, unless it happens to be the same choice I would make on my own. Overall I must say that things are going very well for me and I feel like I’ve earned it. The things I still have left to do are still buzzing in my ear, but they are getting attention when I can provide it. That’s the main reason that my website isn’t back in any real form, I just haven’t had the time nor the inspiration to get it back going. I still have more pictures to collect from family and friends and the design I want has thus far eluded me. I’m sure some day soon my brain will lock onto the design that I really want and I’ll blast the thing out in a few days time, but I’m OK with the fact that for now I’ve just got this journal page for people to look at. You are getting all that I have to give right now, it’s more that some of my other friends get at all. Lucky for me, most of my friends are on the internet and check the site at least weekly. Most of the funk that I’m in revolves around money matters that I would never get into on this site, but I am relaxed knowing that all will be worked out soon enough. Fuck money. So there you have it, the reason for my funk. The reason that I’ve been a little bummed lately, well that and the stuff about my daughter. I’ve escaped long enough out at the clubs, listening to music, pushing my body to it’s limits and sleeping all the time. It’s time to change things up for the better. It just takes me time to sort through the fog. Well, I’m ready for my weekend no matter what I’m doing. I have my orientation at AEon Monday so I’m looking forward to that as well. I hope you all go out and have a great time this weekend or stay in, whatever. Just be…

I just needed to re-align…

So, things have calmed down a bit around here… just kidding, I’m still going full-tilt. Went out to the Barnyard last night for some dancing and had a great time. We busted out around 1AM and I crashed at Sherry’s for the night. I’ve been giving my niece a ride to her work in Hamden every morning at 7:00AM and let me tell you that I’m not happy about getting up that early to drive anyone anywhere. Guess that’s what I have to do until A) Joy gets laid-off or B) I get a new car and return hers. The whole thing with that is that I have to get up at like 6:30AM to get my shit together enough to be able to drive. That’s way to fuckin’ early for this dude. This weather makes it pretty hard for me to sleep too. I’m running on empty for the most part these days, but things will calm down soon. I’m in Phase 3 of 4 for my workout plan and I’m exhausted. It’s just one of the things I have to endure to get to where I want physically. I start Stage 2 in August which is a bit tamer in comparison, but for now I have to keep up with this almost militaristic routine for another 5 weeks. Everything seems to be ramped up in my life at this point in time, but everything will get back to semi-normal soon enough. Tonight I’m going to get some much needed rest and I’m going to sleep in after I drop off my niece in the morning. I’ll need all the rest I can get considering that this weekend is going to be very very busy for me. Hopefully I can relax on Friday night too, but we’ll see. Well, I guess I’m out for now. Have a good one.

By the by…

Got the job at American Eagle. I have orientation on Monday and I can’t wait. Before you call me to buy you shit, I need to let you know that I can’t buy stuff for other people and yes if I buy a girls T-shirt they may suspect something. Anyways, peace out.

Ur…

The dreams that I’m dreaming
Can this really be happening?
Can this really be true?

My heart is elated but
My head is exhausted
This is powerful magic
Can this really be true?

-Aqualung [selected lyrics] (Mixed by DJ Tiesto, Track #4 “UR” off of “Just Be”)——————————

Sherry and I have decided to make things complete. We are together now. So scary to dedicate myself to anyone. I’ve been torn apart so many times in the last year. Scary to open my heart up to anyone. My guard is down now and I’m ready to take all that the world can throw at me. Giving up on love is giving up on life. I’m rested, I’m ready. I know what happiness is, fleeting or not. I have happiness now. Her touch burns cold on my hot flesh. I suck in my breath and close my eyes. Her touch my only sensation. No thoughts. No troubles. Her voice soothes the cracks in my damaged heart, sealing them up again. Trust exists. Enjoying today for all that it is worth. The future can wait until it is unfolded. The wave was in my grasp this whole time.

Just like you…

There is so much going on in my life right now and no way to slow it down till this weekend. I’m getting as much rest as I can, when I can, but it’s been tough. I’m going to take it easy tonight if possible. I hope I’m making the right decisions, it seems that way right now. Guess I’ll just have to see how everything turns out. I may post again later at the library, if I have the drive to do so. I miss you all, don’t doubt it.

Lasgo – Hold Me in Your Arms

I don’t wanna say I’m sorry
Cause I know there is nothing wrong
Don’t be afraid there is no need to worry
Cause my feelings for you are still strong

Hold me in your arms
And never let me go
Hold me in your arms
Cause I need you so

I can see it in your eyes
There is something
Something you wanna tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something
That you have for me
Is there a reason why?
There is something
Something you wanna tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something
That you hide for me

—————————-
I hear this song on the radio all the time. It’s not the usual stuff I listen to, but the lyrics hit me just right and it’s kind of catchy. Enjoy.

The Marlboro Man…

Almost forgot, I quit smoking again. Cigarettes make me ill now and that’s a good sign. I’m learning how to manage my stress without using them. It’s tough, but I know I can manage. I’m hanging out with a friend that doesn’t smoke at all so it’s making things pretty easy. I’m also finding that if someone smokes I can smell it on them and it’s pretty rank. Sorry smokers out there, but damn I can’t believe I used to smell like that. I guess that’s it. Have a good one and I fully endorse “Smoke Away” as a means of quitting if you are interested.

Tell me why…

So, if things could be a little more berserk around here, I’d definitely lose my mind. So, I got the car fixed on Friday, but it ate a ton of money I really didn’t have to spend. I’m still struggling over here, but I’m alive and doing what I can for myself.
I’m rarely home these days. Friday I had a family dinner to attend. My brother is moving to NH, which I may have mentioned in a previous post. It was me, Jeff, his wife, Janis, her husband, and our friend Krystal at dinner. After that, everyone but Jeff and his wife headed to the Sea Dog. The Sea Dog was as I expected and I got picked up after being there only 45 minutes. The rest of my weekend was pretty relaxing except for a trip to Canada on Saturday, but I had a blast going there. Sunday I hung out with friends and watched movies and we went out for Chinese food in the afternoon. Yesterday I took it easy again except for doing “Day One” at the gym with Matt. So, things have been pretty relaxing, but that’s the way I wanted it this weekend. I needed the time to recharge my batteries. This week is going to be a bit berserk due to the fact that I’m training a new fill-in at work a few times this week so I have to do some extra traveling. I guess that’s it for now. Hope ya’ll had a great weekend.