I hate these gloomy gray days. I’m feeling kind of bummed out today because it looks like my work is going to be forcing me to work tomorrow afternoon while my daughter’s birthday party is going on. There’s still a chance that I may have a fill-in to work for me, but as of this time I’m going to be working. Seems like fate keeps me out of her life sometimes. I can’t understand why, but life wasn’t designed for me to always be able to understand. I do the best I can when I can and I even talked with her for a bit on the phone today. It’s pretty rare that I get even that kind of contact, so I was a little thrown off when she answered. Hopefully I didn’t upset her or make her too nervous. She sounds so much older than the last time I spoke with her (around Christmas). I don’t know. I’m really looking forward to when she gets a little older and starts to really want to see me. Maybe she won’t, but I doubt things will be like that. I’m just getting fed up with the way that some parts of my life run sometimes. I am again mustering the extreme strength that it takes to overcome some of the obstacles that I face in my life. Just like the saying goes “When I go, I go hard”. That’s just the thing, I have to focus on one thing at a time to really get anything done. There are parts of my life that I am still shaping at this time, but not everything can be changed by my hand alone. I do what I can on my end and, just like everyone else, wait to see what the other person’s choices will be. The point is that I greet every situation as myself, I never do what someone wants me to do, unless it happens to be the same choice I would make on my own. Overall I must say that things are going very well for me and I feel like I’ve earned it. The things I still have left to do are still buzzing in my ear, but they are getting attention when I can provide it. That’s the main reason that my website isn’t back in any real form, I just haven’t had the time nor the inspiration to get it back going. I still have more pictures to collect from family and friends and the design I want has thus far eluded me. I’m sure some day soon my brain will lock onto the design that I really want and I’ll blast the thing out in a few days time, but I’m OK with the fact that for now I’ve just got this journal page for people to look at. You are getting all that I have to give right now, it’s more that some of my other friends get at all. Lucky for me, most of my friends are on the internet and check the site at least weekly. Most of the funk that I’m in revolves around money matters that I would never get into on this site, but I am relaxed knowing that all will be worked out soon enough. Fuck money. So there you have it, the reason for my funk. The reason that I’ve been a little bummed lately, well that and the stuff about my daughter. I’ve escaped long enough out at the clubs, listening to music, pushing my body to it’s limits and sleeping all the time. It’s time to change things up for the better. It just takes me time to sort through the fog. Well, I’m ready for my weekend no matter what I’m doing. I have my orientation at AEon Monday so I’m looking forward to that as well. I hope you all go out and have a great time this weekend or stay in, whatever. Just be…
